Rethink Your Rhythms
Have you ever started the year full of excitement and big plans, only to watch them fizzle out weeks later? I’ve been there. You start with the best intentions—a new habit, a meaningful goal—but life gets in the way, and soon you’re left wondering why nothing has changed.
One of my ongoing struggles has been keeping up with a weekly date night. It’s something my wife and I really value, but no matter how many times we say, “This is the week!” it’s so easy for other things to fill our calendars. Maybe you’ve experienced this too—a rhythm you want but just can’t seem to maintain.
Here’s the thing: failure doesn’t mean you’re incapable. It just means it’s time to rethink your rhythms. Whether it’s a habit that needs adjusting or a rhythm that seems to have gone by the wayside, there’s always a way forward. Here’s how you can take a step back, reflect, and reset rhythms that truly work for you.
1. Identify a Rhythm That Isn’t Working
Ask yourself: “Is there a rhythm I desire to have that just isn’t working?” Be honest. It might be something you’ve been trying to force or something you’ve let fall by the wayside. Determine whether or not you still desire the intended outcome of the rhythm. Is it worth fighting for. For us, a date night is worth fighting for. We believe in the practice of cultivating intentional time together to talk, plan, and have fun!
2. Ask Why It Isn’t Working
This step takes honesty. Why hasn’t this rhythm taken root? Is it a lack of priority, time, or energy? Do the intentional work it takes to determine where things went wrong. Was the rhythm or goal to ambitious or unrealistic. When we took a step back to evaluate why we weren’t as consistent with date night as we wanted to be, we identified a few themes — the first being a simple lack of proactive planning. We also recognized that most of our dates happened at the end of long days when we were simply lacking energy. We also hadn’t budgeted for a babysitter or planned our at-home date activity.
3. What Would Improve It?
Once you know the “why,” ask yourself what could make it better. Do you need to adjust the frequency? Schedule it differently? Pair it with something you’re already doing? Revisit the reasons it’s not working and address them head-on. For us, our primary struggle was simply putting a date night on the calendar, so we knew we needed to figure our a way to not let other things creep into our calendar before scheduling date nights. We also recognized that actually having a plan for date nights out and in — and decided to start reaching out to potential babysitters for a couple nights a month.
4. Set a New, Realistic Rhythm
Make adjustments and create a rhythm that works for you. Our new rhythm is a monthly marriage meeting. It’s a time for us to plan date nights, look at calendars, and even tackle budgeting. It’s helped our date nights stick—and improved other areas too. The original rhythm did not go to the wayside, but by prioritizing a new holistic rhythm, we will naturally be proactive in planning future dates.
5. Get Accountability
Tell someone about your new rhythm and invite them to check in with you. Accountability can make all the difference. I encourage you to share this article with your spouse, a friend, or a mentor and discuss one rhythm you would like to rethink this month!
Rethinking your rhythms isn’t about perfection; it’s about progress. Small, intentional shifts can lead to lasting change. You can do this! What’s one rhythm you’ll rethink today?