“I DO IT MYSELF”
Our daughter, Kinsley, is fiercely independent. One of the first phrases she mastered was, “I do it myself.” It doesn’t matter what the task is – getting dressed, pouring milk, turning on the TV, cooking a meal, or going to the bathroom – girl is going to do it herself.
We really do love her independent spirit. We have always seen it as one of her greatest strengths and we try to fuel it whenever possible, even if it means taking an extra five minutes to do a basic task. She is learning and we love seeing her beam with pride when she accomplishes a task that she hasn’t been able to before. Our theory is – if the worst case scenario is spilled milk – we can live with that. I mean, “don’t cry over spilled milk” is a real thing. Plus she is three and likes to fold her own laundry, get breakfast for her and her brother, and clean up her own messes.
Here’s another reality – our greatest strengths can oftentimes become our greatest weaknesses. I’m sure hot dog eating champ, Joey Chestnut, agrees. His incredible ability to consume copious amounts of hot dogs probably doesn’t make his doctor beam with pride. I can only imagine the amount of times he has advocated for Joey to take on a career of accounting…or anything other than eating hundreds of hot dogs. Kinsley’s independence is also the cause of many heated exchanges in our home. She can be spicy. There are times that Taylor and I get impatient and do something for Kinsley that she wants to do for herself. There are other times that the task she is attempting is just above her three-year-old pay grade – like microwaving her own leftovers or putting an edible amount of salt in a meal.
That’s when we tell her, “It’s okay to ask for help.” We kindly guide her and help her understand that some tasks are daddy and mommy jobs. It’s not always easy for her to take, but she is growing. When a task is difficult, we tell her, “Try your best and ask for help.” Just this morning, she was trying to get her socks on (and her socks have to be PERFECT) and I could tell she was getting frustrated. I asked her, “Do you need help?” She shrugged her shoulders, sighed, and said, “I tried my best…”
I wonder if God ever feels the way I do as a parent. I wonder if he is ever standing impatiently to the side as we try to get our socks “just right” or do whatever other task we’re trying to do in our own strength. I think God has us one-upped in the whole parenting thing, because he is very patient, but I do believe he is just waiting for us to ask for help.
Sometimes asking for help is tough. Like my three-year-old daughter, we mutter under our breath, “I do it myself.” We walk through life, attempting to do it all in our own strength. We try to pick up our own broken pieces, get our life together, and heal our broken hearts. We try to do good, make a difference, and change the world. We take the steering wheel out of God’s hands and say, “Thanks for the help, but I’ve got this!” The only problem is, we’re three years old and we can’t see over the steering wheel, let alone drive.
Asking for help can feel like admitting weakness. In fact, it is admitting weakness. Here’s the curveball: Weakness is a good thing. Seriously. The Bible actually tells us to delight in our weaknesses. It says when we’re weak, then we’re strong.
“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” – 1 Corinthians 12:9-10
Weakness is the beginning of true strength. We must come quickly to the end of ourselves. Our end is God’s beginning. Coming to grips with our limitations and our weakness allows us to tap into God’s endless source of strength. Admitting weakness doesn’t make us weak – especially when doing so helps us attach ourselves to God.
It’s okay to ask for help.
God cares about us and desires to the the strength by which we live our lives. The Bible is abundantly clear that God desires and is able to help us.
“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” – Psalm 46:1
“Behold, God is my helper; the Lord is the upholder of my life.” – Psalm 54:4
“My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.” – Psalm 121:2
When I want to help my daughter, my motives can get mixed up. Sometimes, I want to help her because I love her. Other times, I want to help her because I’m in a rush or I’m just being impatient. God’s motive is clear. He desires to help us because he loves us.
As you move through your life, take the advice I give to my daughter, “Try your best and ask for help.” God has wired you with talents, abilities, and gifts that he desires you to freely use to bless others, build His kingdom, and bring him glory. But, don’t get it twisted, he’s the source. Don’t grow comfortable in your ability and sufficiency or else, in a roundabout way, you may start thinking you’re better at this whole “God thing.” We so often pride ourselves on being self-sufficient, but it’s God’s grace that is truly sufficient. We desperately need God’s grace.
One of the first things I try to do every day is pray something like this:
“God, thanks for being God. Thank you for your grace. I empty myself and lay my life before you. Help me to come to grips with my weakness. Thank you for every ability and gift you have given me, but help me to remember that it comes from you. God, I need you. Help me, today. Amen.”
It’s okay to ask for help. It’s actually better that way. Our end is God’s beginning. Not only does God desire to help us, but he also desires to surround us with people, communities, and resources that will help us as well. If you’re struggling with anxiety, addiction, or depression, ask for help. It’s the strongest thing you can do. You don’t have to do it alone.
God is with you and so am I.