AVOIDING REJECTION

I have always loved basketball. One of my favorite possessions of all time is a black Michael Jordan Bulls jersey. Unfortunately, I think we sold it at a rummage sale for $2. I have vivid memories of playing basketball with my dad and brother in our basement. Let’s just say our Fisher’s Price basketball hoop was totally worth its price.

As I got older, my friends and I set up a steel rimmed tiny hoop in my dad’s shop. We mounted it on a storage shelf about seven feet off the ground, so it was perfect for some intense two-on-two, giving us the ability to throw it down. Let’s be honest, I was still laying it up. We also had a hoop attached to our roof outside and we played basketball in the driveway for hours. My neighbor had a hoop in his driveway with a chain net, which makes the sweetest most nostalgic sound. It also rips your fingers up pretty good. Nowadays, I’m back to playing on a Fisher Price hoop with my kids in the basement. They don’t stand a chance against their old man.

I played basketball competitively through my freshman year. I was never the best on the court, but I played my role, hustled, and hit a couple threes. Prior to my sophomore season, I decided not to tryout. The excuse I told everyone was that I wanted to focus on baseball, gearing up for the spring season. I told them I was going to work a little extra – you know, save up for college or whatever random stuff teenagers waste their money on – whichever comes first. I think most people bought my excuse, but I never did.

The real reason I didn’t try out for basketball was because I was afraid of getting cut. I was one of the smaller kids and I just didn’t think I was good enough to make the team. When I compared myself to everyone else, I just didn’t stack up. I wasn’t quick enough. I wasn’t tall enough. I wasn’t good enough. Instead of putting in the effort, working hard, and actually finding out; it was easier (and far less painful at the time) to just quit.

By quitting, I was in control of the narrative. “I didn’t get cut – I just didn’t try out.” By avoiding not hearing my name called by the coaches, I bypassed potential embarrassment and I avoided an opportunity for rejection.

In doing so, I also erased the possibility of making the team. I skipped out on an opportunity to work hard, do my best, and walk away proud of my effort. I took away a moment God could have used to build my character and find comfort in His presence. At the time it was easier to walk away from a sport I loved than face the possibility of failure and rejection.

Funny thing is – I played more basketball that winter than I would have if I made the team. My friends and I hooped at the YMCA almost every day. We put a team together and won the Y-ball Championship. Our team name was Victorious Secret – sorry mom. I guess you have to do whatever it takes to “get ready for baseball season.”

15 years later, I’m writing a blog about how I’m still learning how to face failure and embrace rejection. Isn’t it interesting how we tend to avoid the very thing God desires to use to refine us, build our character, and draw us closer to him? When I look back at my life, I see a wake of moments I walked away from something because I feared rejection and dreams I never even pursued because I was afraid I would fail.

I think rejection and failure are absolutely necessary. Being rejected stinks – whether it is by a guy or a girl you like, a company you want to work for, or someone you thought was a friend. Rejection can make you feel like you are not enough. I think that’s why we spend so much time avoiding it. However, like Craig Groeschel says, “Failure is an event, not a person. You are not a failure.” We must understand this. Rejection doesn’t have to be a hit to your worth and value. It just didn’t work out. Learn from it and keep going. By facing failure, we are able to grow and we are able to embrace the comfort that God provides.

We have a number of methods we use to avoid rejection. Here are a few of my go-to’s:

1. Pursuing the Path of Least Resistance
   We tend to prioritize the paths in life that offer the least resistance and the least risk. The logic goes, “If I do things that are impossible to fail at, I will never fail.” We choose to stay in the lane that is comfortable and we choose to do things with the smallest percentage chance of failure. It’s why people stay in a job they hate. It’s why people continue to date someone even though they know their relationship is dysfunctional. It’s why we commit ourselves to unhealthy habits and practices, knowing if we make the choice to change, we may fail and fall back into old ways. We think that if we stay on Easy Street, we’ll eventually get where we need to go. Easy Street is a dead end. You have to get off if you want to go anywhere.

2. Quitting Before Rejection
   When we view rejection as the enemy, we will do anything to get off the road that leads there. Obviously, there are times that avoiding failure is the best option. If you are on a bus that is heading for a wall, jump! That’s not what we are talking about here. We’re talking about the things in life that may leave us battered and bruised, but won’t leave us broken. It may be different for all of us. It could be a difficult job, a relationship that scares you (because it’s real and deep), or a ministry calling. Ask yourself, “If it doesn’t work out, what’s the worst that could happen?” Worst case scenario – you get rejected or fail – and you grow, mature, and learn as you keep moving forward. Failing is rarely the worst case scenario, in fact, it often leads to something even better.

3. Never Getting Started
   I have found that the best way to avoid rejection is to never get started in the first place. If you want to live a failure-free life, just hunker down and stay where you are. Don’t move forward. That sounds like a failure to me. God didn’t create us to sit still, we are made to move. You may have a dream in your heart – a song, a book, an idea, a career path – that you want to pursue, but you don’t because you’re afraid you might fail. I’ve been there. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking and talking about writing a book. What if no one wants to read it? What if no one likes it? What if I waste my time?

Can you relate? If you want to live a life free of rejection, do what is most comfortable and easy. If you want to live a life worth living, step out of your comfort zone and begin trusting God in a deeper way. If you want to control the narrative, quit before the point of rejection. If you want to live a better narrative, embrace rejection and failure in order to grow and mature. If you want to avoid failure, never start. That sounds like a pretty miserable way to live.

Following Jesus was never advertised as easy and comfortable. Quite the opposite, following Jesus is filled with a lot of uncertainty on this side of eternity. Living an abundant life – a life to the fullest – is only lived within close proximity to Jesus. We may fail and we will likely face rejection, but it’s all worth it.

I don’t have it all figured out and I think that is exactly the way God likes it to be. I need Him. There are things in my life that I cannot do in my own strength. I cannot be the husband I am called to be. I cannot be the father I am called to be. I cannot be the human I am called to be. That’s why Jesus said, “Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.” (John 15:5 NLT)

I quit taking the risk-free route. I quit not starting. I quit quitting. If you want to avoid life to the fullest, avoid rejection. Life to the fullest is full of setbacks, but it is also full of grace, joy, and redemption. Life to the fullest is a life fully lived in Christ. Put your seatbelt on, because it could get bumpy, but don’t hit the “eject” button just yet.