Fighting for Friendship In Your Thirties
Friendship gets harder as you get older — especially when you have kids. Between the chaos of parenting, demanding work schedules, and sheer exhaustion, finding time for meaningful connection can feel almost impossible. Add in the challenge of coordinating babysitters, aligning schedules, and mustering the energy to socialize, and it's easy to see why so many friendships fade in this season. But here's the truth: When it’s most difficult to prioritize friendship is when we need it the most.
That's why last night felt so meaningful. Taylor and I went on a double date our best friends, Ryan and Ashley. Both of us had babysitters lined up, and we kept it simple with dinner at McDonald's — perfect for when you’re balling on a budget and want some good laughs. Afterward, we rented a bay at Suite Shots for an hour — hitting some golf balls, tackling some cheese curds, and a bunch more laughs. It was such a life-giving evening, and it reminded me how vital friendship is, especially in this busy season of life.
But let's be honest — friendship in your thirties is hard. Between work, parenting, and endless responsibilities, making time for meaningful connection often feels impossible. Here are some common barriers that make friendship challenging in this season:
Time Constraints: Between work commitments, school functions, and kids' activities, our calendars fill up fast.
Energy Levels: After a long day of parenting and work, finding the energy to engage in deep conversation can feel daunting.
Childcare Challenges: Finding a babysitter or coordinating schedules with friends who also have kids can be a logistical (and financial) nightmare.
Different Life Stages: Some friends may be in different life seasons, making it harder to relate or find common ground.
Fear of Rejection: There's a vulnerability in reaching out, wondering if your effort will be reciprocated.
Despite these challenges, I believe that it is totally worth it. There is a cost — of time, energy, and money — but the cost of not prioritizing life-giving relationships is even steeper.
In the whirlwind of parenting three kids under seven, I've learned that friendship brings life. It provides space to breathe outside the daily grind of work and parenting. It gives us the chance to be adults again, engaging in conversations and activities that aren't solely centered around our kids. It refreshes us and reminds us that we're not alone. My friendships truly make me a better husband and dad.
Practical Ways to Prioritize Friendship
If we wait for friendship to "just happen," it likely won't. We have to fight for it. Here are some practical ways to do that:
Put It on the Calendar: Be intentional about scheduling friend time. Even once a month can make a difference.
Work with Your Spouse: If you're married, talk about creating space for each other to have time with friends. Taylor and I have given each other permission to prioritize this once a week.
Express Your Needs: Don't be afraid to tell your friends you need them. Chances are, they need it too. Vocalizing your desire to spend more time together might be the spark your friendship needs.
Take Initiative: Be the one to send the text, make the call, or plan the hangout. Fight for it. Be the initiator. Be the friend you desire to have.
Babysitter Share: If childcare is an issue, consider partnering with another family to take turns watching the kids. Work with your spouse to cover parenting responsibilities for a night. Worst case scenario: budget for it! It’s that important.
Keep It Simple: It doesn't have to be elaborate. A casual coffee, a walk, or a quick meal can make the difference. Learn a new card game, try some new hobbies, or make a list of restaurants you want to try in your city.
Yes, it takes effort. Yes, it can feel like one more thing on an already long to-do list. But the payoff is worth it. Friendship in your 30s—especially in the chaos of parenting — isn't just a luxury. It's a lifeline.
So, here's your reminder to make the call, send the text, and show up. Because even when it's hard, it's worth it.